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AbsoluteGravityZone's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm not quite sure if anyone is actually reading the stuff I post, but its still nice to have my stuff out there. Who knows, maybe someone will get something out of it.


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There's been a turn in my talk.

 A swerve in my mind, as the summer winds down.  College is coming back.  When I greet them, I want to tell them all that I had a great summer and that I loved every minute of every day I spent at home and at work, fucking and laughing, smiling and writing, sobbing and seeing.  But this truth is that I wanted to die this summer.
 The truth is that after a year of being happy and loving my life I came home to my parents and I wanted to kill myself.  That is hard to explain to anyone not in my head, which no one but the voices of sadder and angrier me exist.  I want to tell them that my parents provide for me, and pay for me, and that I love them, but that at the same time I hate them for making me hate myself.  I want to try to explain that the two are not mutually exclusive, but its hard to find the words.

 It's hard to articulate that after ten years of being told the worst things imaginable by the people you love unimaginably you just feel a little hollow inside.

 That happiness doesn't rub so smoothly across your skin, and that to feel sad is nice because it's feeling something at all.  But I broke from that.  I went away to school and I loved me again.  141 days of loving being me.  Then I came home and a month later I wish I was dead, because I'm so tired of the fight.  So tired of the names.  And its harder now than it was before.  Because when you hear that you are a fucking disappointment for long enough, you start repeating it.  And when you repeat it for long enough, you start believing it.  But I love my parents.  And I think they love me.  I hope they love me.  But I can't bear to ask for fear of the answer.

 So I just keep fighting on, I keep my eyes trained on the floor of my life so that there is no contact.

 Because I want to lose, but I need to fight.  I need to persevere.  If I lose then I die, and I've almost lost before.  I don't want to lose again.  Not now.  Not ever.  I don't know if I could survive.  So I've just gotta keep fighting, even if its only to spite that hollow feeling in my stomach that I get every time I look in the mirror.  I just stay angry because it keeps me going.  And I guess that's what life is all about, keeping going.  Feeling the blistering under your feet and the scrape of your knuckles on the concrete you've fallen to.

 I can't give up on me.

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ReyeD33 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for faving Unleash the Beast by ReyeD33

AbsoluteGravityZone Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem at all!  Its a really cool piece of work!
MorningWar Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for favoriting, John!
ArchitArt Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
Hey! thanks for the comments and favs, it's always good to get some feedback :)
AbsoluteGravityZone Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome!  I am a huge One Piece fan, and I am glad to help out in any way!  I come up with OC's all the time, so I can totally appreciate the work you have to put into it.  Great job!
ArchitArt Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I'm glad you like them, it would be cool to see some of your OC's too ^^
AbsoluteGravityZone Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, Thanks!  I haven't managed to actually upload anything yet, as you know (little case of cold feet on my part).  I appreciate the interest, and am excited to see what you think, assuming I manage to work up the energy and upload something.  Thanks again!
(1 Reply)
n-pigeon Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Digital Artist
thx for fav!
AbsoluteGravityZone Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you are very welcome!
SingingNight Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
thanks so much for faving my GoT sigil! ^^
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